Lauren Lindsey

“Grace Upon Grace” 

If there’s one word I would want others to describe me as, I would hope it would be Grace. 

Now that’s not to say that I’m graceful or that my life has been graceful by any means. I’ve stumbled through life like I’ve tripped rounding first. More times than I care to admit. 

See, growing up I was christened as a baby, told who Jesus was, that he loved me, and I knew the cross was powerful. I just didn’t know how or why. My parents would take us to church, but once I fell in love with softball we didn’t have time. I know how bad that sounds, but when your baby girl has a dream you take her to chase it. And that they did. Because of that practice and lessons were during the week and tournaments on the weekend with a nice long travel day on Sunday. So I knew of Jesus, but not him. 

Fast forward to high school and I was completely lost. Grandfather died and I was making some wrong choices. I was spiraling. 

Junior year my now fiancée found me. Now I was doing a lot of reflecting and soul searching at this time. I was making some changes and feeling extremely convicted about my past decisions. One night, he stopped in the Walmart parking lot and out of nowhere lays it on me that,” If you aren’t saved I can’t keep dating you. I’m not going to date someone I won’t see in heaven.” What an answered prayer and right on time! This guy liked me and wanted to see me in heaven?! Yeah, I haven’t left his side and God even put it in our plans to get married this November. Still can’t believe something I once prayed over is now something I get to live out. What a blessing! 

So I get to college at Jones and we have weekly Bible study and my best friend takes me to Wednesday night church with her. I did that for 3 years and was really growing in Christ. I was at my peak while at Jones. Softball was going better than I ever could’ve imagined, my family and I were closer than ever, and I had friends who cared for me. I was killing it on the field. Life literally couldn’t get any better. Then one of my closest friends passed away in a car accident. She was one of those people that radiated light. I looked up to her so very much, so I took it pretty hard. A really good friend helped me to realize she was with God. I felt a peace about that. 

After Jones I signed with Southern Mississippi to play out my dream of D1 softball. Y'all, I felt like I finally made everyone proud. I had made it! This is where finding my worth in everything but God comes to bite me in the butt. Because you see I failed miserably. Mentally, physically, and spiritually I was not okay. I had week long migraines, I was lost again, I wasn’t going to church consistently, and I was isolating. For the first time in my life I was a complete failure at what I loved and I was failing those I loved. I hit an all time low. But it got lower, because a teammate and myself got told we wouldn’t be getting our last year of softball out of no where. 

IT GETS LOWER. 

I survived the year, but that next year I developed depression and anxiety. My roommate started to drag me to church every Sunday. She didn’t know it yet, but she saved me. It’s those Sundays and Wednesdays that helped me to find my worth in Him. To stop letting the enemy win the game of my mind. I had to find my Joy and it was only through Jesus I would find it. I got baptized that February. Before I got dunked, the preacher asked if I was scared. I told him, ”there’s nothing to run from, but everything to run to.” 

I knew I finally found where I belonged and was full of joy I couldn’t explain. 

I’m still working on my identity in Christ and not letting the enemy win that war over my mind. But I can tell you that Sunday is my favorite day of the week and I find more joy praising Him than i ever have. Teaching is my job, but it’s also my ministry. Kids are full of His love and joy and it’s truly so amazing to see them praise Jesus with all their hearts! 

From a lost little girl putting her identity in anything to a woman whose identify is in Christ. That’s my story. Full of bumps and bruises, but God’s faithfulness brought me through. My advice, give yourself some Grace and trust His plan. He’ll bring you through and bring you more joy than you ever thought possible.