KK Agner

To me, the words we try to come up with to tell our story are the hardest to come up with. But there was one word somebody had to say in front of me that could get me to talk for hours. “Softball.” It was my life, my happiness, it was everything.

I like to think my testimony was meant to be heard in the heart of athletes. The passion that Jesus gave me for this sport is something I am so proud to share. But most importantly, the gratitude I feel to know the One that has been by my side through it all.

Just like every kid’s dream, I dreamt of the day I got to put on a college softball uniform. But then to learn that, that dream was to turn out to be my testimony.

In high school I had transferred to a small private Christian school. It was the complete opposite of where I came from, but it was right where I was meant to be. I started to run into a lot of success and learned to grow my love for the game, but I did not fully grasp that it all came from Jesus yet.

Then I begin to live my “dream.”

I moved to college, and long story short, after 3 years at Mississippi Gulf Coast Community College, I ended up having a total of 11 different coaches within 3 seasons… yeah, I know. I’d say that this is where I started to learn to choose joy, even in the unknown.

In December of my 3rd year at Gulf Coast, my grandaddy was diagnosed with Lewis Body Dementia. To give you a little insight on the light my grandaddy shared with me, he was my absolute biggest fan. We’re talking about the guy that would show up to the ball field before we, as a team, would show up to warm up because “he was just so excited.” 3 short months later, dementia won the battle and grandaddy went to be with Jesus. I was in the middle of the season at this point, and the day of his funeral turned out to be the same day as one of the biggest games of the season. Great. I prayed and prayed about the decision that felt impossible to make. But I knew what he would have told me. I will never be able to understand the peace I felt to be on that field that day.

Again, softball was everything to me. I was on the 4th new set of coaches within three years of my college career at this point and I just felt lost. Everything I could have imagined, the opposite has happened. “Why?” the golden question. The sport I wrapped my identity in started to fade.

Later that year, I committed to live the ultimate dream, to play D1 softball at Southern Miss. Added 5 more coaches to the list, lol. It was a struggle. No heart. No passion. I felt stuck. Had no guidance, no support, and a very toxic environment.

About 6 months after my grandaddy passed, my other grandfather lost his battle with Alzheimer’s. At this point, I had no relationship with the Lord. I was hurt, confused, didn’t know where to even start. My college career has turned out to be a nightmare and has turned the sport I once loved to something I dreaded to do. Again, all I wanted to do was ask God “why?”

The year my dream turned into my testimony.

The joy I had for this sport had slowly faded. I felt like I lost myself in losing the love for something that meant everything to me. I poured so much of myself into this sport that when the sport stopped pouring into me, there was nothing left. I showed up every day, without being there. I couldn’t wait for it to be over.

With about a month left in the 2024 season, I along with another teammate were sat down in the coach’s office and told that I will no longer have any eligibility left to play after the year is over. Although I thought I hated the sport, and I wouldn’t care, then is when I felt rock bottom. The sport I poured all my joy and all my identity into was just taken away in a few words. I carried this anger with me everywhere. “Why?”

Until I truly found Jesus. Not just “when I had time,” not just when somebody would help me, but when I learned to hear Him. He had to take away the thing that was not only taking away pieces of myself but taking my eyes off of Him.  

He never let me lose myself. He brought me back every time. Would I admit that in the monument, probably not, but here I am looking back. He used the passion I had for PLAYING the game and turned it to passing it on to others. He does NOT make mistakes; it was on purpose. Every single step.

I heard this quote once that said, “I hit rock bottom, just to realize that Jesus was the rock.”

I later learned how to find the joy in the storms. The people I met. The experiences I had. The memories I made. The lessons I learned. Everything was on purpose.

The word “joy” still follows me to this day. Choose joy. Be joyful. Find the joy in everything. I see it everywhere.

This sport was never about the athlete. It was about me. It was about the plan Jesus had for me. The experiences I had, used to fulfill the purpose He had for me the whole time. It wasn’t who I was, it was just something I did.

“Why?” Because He is good all the time. Because his purpose is greater than your own. Because he will ALWAYS be with you. Because other athletes need you. Because there was a missing piece in the process, it was JESUS.

Now, I am thankful for the path I would have never chosen myself. I get to turn the story that I used to tell with so much envy, into a story that shows JUST HOW GOOD HE IS.